Photo:Allison Bond

You could hear a pin drop. All heads were turned toward the back of the church. At the end of the long, long aisle stood 4-year-old Tommy, dressed in a tuxedo, bell in hand. His determined facial expression showed the importance of the job he had to do. As the cords of the huge pipe organ died down, Tommy began his walk down the aisle. The ringing of the bell accompanied his shouted announcement, “The bride is coming. The bride is coming.” At least that’s how it was supposed to go.

Rehearsal went perfectly, but when faced with the church filled to overflowing with expectant guests, Tommy lost his voice. His bell worked, though, and the ringing announced the beautiful bride.

Her face was radiant and the groom could barely contain his joy at seeing her walking toward him, knowing that in a short time she would be his wife. They’d waited a long time for this moment.

Weddings are organized to revolve around the bride’s appearance. The wedding party marches in ahead of her and turns expectantly toward the back door. As she walks down the aisle, those in attendance turn as she passes. Her father presents her to the groom and they proceed toward the altar. All eyes follow them.

The phrase, “The bride is coming,” brings tears to my eyes and not just because Tommy was supposed to say them and my sweet friend Becki was the bride. I’m touched because those words have a special significance to followers of Jesus.

Bridegroom in Heaven 

There’s a Bridegroom in Heaven waiting to announce "the bride is coming." Jesus is waiting for just the right time to meet his chosen people, his bride, and spend eternity with her. Talk about anticipation. He’s been planning for this event for thousands of years. He’s been waiting for his bride to adorn herself in fine linens. Sometimes, like the 10 virgins in the parable, we get drowsy and stop getting ready but our Bridegroom is patient to a point.

How can we feel insignificant when we realize there’s a wedding feast being prepared and a Bridegroom waiting for us. Even though Shawn and Becki’s wedding was fantastic, it’s nothing compared to when Jesus meets his bride. Can you imagine hearing shouts of heavenly beings announcing, “The Bride is Coming, The Bride is Coming,” and realizing it’s about us?

“Let us rejoice and shout for joy [exulting and triumphant]! Let us celebrate and ascribe to Him glory and honor, for the marriage of the Lamb [at last] has come, and His bride has prepared herself" (Revelation 19:7).

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By Dee Reed. Copyright © 2010 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines. Scripture taken from the Amplified Bible.
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When I was a boy I loved to play with my neighbor friends. Sometimes, after school, we would get so preoccupied with a game of basketball or baseball that I would not hear my mother calling me for supper. When I finally showed up, it was gone! I usually complained that “Nobody told me it was time for supper!” But I had been told. I just wasn’t tuned in.

God calls to us all the time. Some people say, “No, God doesn’t call to me! I’ve never heard the Lord speaking to me.” Yet, like my mother’s voice, we can be so preoccupied with other things that we don’t realize God is close by. That’s what happened to Jacob when he ran away from home. He felt alone and distant from God when he lay down to sleep one night, using a stone for a pillow. That night, God gave him a dream of a ladder which extended from heaven down to earth on which angels were going up and down.

The Bible says, “When Jacob awoke from his sleep, he thought, "Surely the Lord is in this place, and I was not aware of it." He was afraid and said, "How awesome is this place! This is none other than the house of God; this is the gate of heaven" (Genesis 28:16, 17).

Invisible Signals

One way to understand how close God is to us is by looking at a radio signals. There are thousands of radio waves surrounding you at this very moment. Unless you are tuned into any of them, they will pass you by unnoticed. Without a receiver to zero in on a certain frequency, you cannot hear or see these invisible signals. Yet, these unseen waves are there.

Several years ago I wanted to be an amateur radio operator. I studied hard to pass the tests that would allow me to go on the air. Until I had my license, I could only listen. During this time, a friend loaned me an old tube receiver so I could at least begin to “listen”. One afternoon I strung a simple, single wire antennae across the roof of my house. Then I climbed down the ladder and ran excitedly into the house and hooked up the wires to the receiver. I still remember the thrill of warming up the old tube radio and hearing voices of people from around the world!

Like Jacob, when we turn our antennae’s (our hearts) toward heaven, we may say, “Surely God is in this place and I was not aware of it.” God wanted to speak to Jacob. He was running and not listening. God wants to speak to you. It would be good for you to stop and listen to the Lord. A very important way to “tune” your radio to God is through Bible study and prayer. Take time every day to listen to God talk to you. The Lord loves you and wants to let you know.

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By Curtis Rittenour. Copyright © 2010 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines. Scripture taken from the NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION ®.

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Photo: Taina M.

As I peruse the pages of the newest Pottery Barn catalogue, I dog-ear the corners to mark items that catch my eye. Leather ottomans, expansive office groupings, bookshelves designed for my enormous book collection—bits and pieces of a life I can’t afford to lead.

I’ve learned to look without guilt and admire without coveting. I know I have school loans to repay and a savings account that could use a boost of spare change. I would rather live comfortably, albeit less luxuriously, for the peace of mind that comes with living within my means. I have found contentment with my life and my possessions, no matter what society or T.V. commercials may tell me I am lacking. Still, no matter how content I think I am, it’s sometimes hard not to wish for a few extra dollars to throw away on the newest trend.

Contentment is in short supply in today’s world. Credit card debt is at an all-time high, plastic surgery is the new splurge and record numbers of people rate their happiness level at lower than 50%.

Lucifer was the first malcontent. Not satisfied to be second best, he used his power to create tension and unhappiness among the other angels. Eventually, Lucifer’s inability to be happy with his high-ranking—but less than first—position got him kicked out of heaven.

Trouble In Paradise

Stirring up trouble in paradise wasn’t enough for Lucifer. His next target was the happiness of Adam and Eve. Even though the pair could eat from any tree in the garden except one, Lucifer cunningly convinced Eve that single forbidden tree was the only one she wanted to taste from. Again, discontentment took hold and cost Adam and Eve their heaven-like home—and cost forever the human race’s ability to commune directly with God.

In Philippians 4:12-13, Paul addresses and expresses contentment despite his exiled status. “I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.”

Paul had the assurance that Christ would strengthen his resolve to be content regardless of his position and would see him through any situation. We often hear this verse in conjunction with trials and tribulation, a promise of God’s love and help through hard times. But Paul is speaking not about God seeing him through his suffering, but about God helping him attain and retain contentment.

Being content is to reject the idea that more is better; that other people are happier than we are; that we could lead better lives if only we owned a boat or had a different nose. Contentment doesn’t hinge on having certain possessions or living a particular lifestyle, it is a conscious choice to be happy with what we have and accept the gifts we’ve been given. And with the grace of God and a promise of a perfect forever, what should keep us from being content?

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By Lauren Schwarz. Copyright © 2010 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines. Scripture taken from the NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION ®.
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Photo: Allison Choppick

Chronic insomnia? Are you one of the millions of people who won’t sleep tonight? Those questions recently caught my attention in a magazine mailer. The advertisement went on to invite readers who answered “YES” to participate in a clinical research study.

All of us have experienced the frustration of wrestling the bed sheets from dusk till dawn unable to get any shut eye. For most of us, however, this is an occasional occurrence rather than the norm. When it does crop up, the outcome is usually a tendency to drop off to sleep later on that day at some inopportune moment – dozing through a boring committee meeting, or perhaps a monotonous college lecture.

While going through my initial program of clinical pastoral education, one of my fellow classmates in-training consistently slept through our daily “group sessions.” Now, you might wonder, “How on earth could he get away with that?” But with an instructor who was blind, it was not that difficult! I often wondered if the student was sleep deprived, or just found it easier to “check out.”

Under trying circumstances it’s hard to stay engaged, isn’t it? Even Jesus’ disciples couldn’t seem to stay awake with Him when He agonized in the garden of Gethsemene prior to His crucifixion. According to the gospel of Luke (22:45) the disciples were sleeping because of their sorrow.

God Is Always Awake

But I’m happy to tell you that God is always awake. No encounter with us is too long, or boring to warrant a busy signal. No request is so trying or draining as to produce sleep. In fact, in the Psalms (121:3-4) we learn that the God who watches over us does not slumber or sleep!

Imagine that! The Lord is a hopeless insomniac! Not! But our every request receives the attention and consideration of a God who is always engaged and desires the best for us. Of course, like any wise parent, our Creator doesn’t always give us what we want. Yet, God delights to shower on us that which will be for our best good. And, it’s comforting to know that the Almighty doesn’t even take “cat naps.”

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By Kathy A Lewis. Copyright © 2010 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines. Scripture taken from the NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION ®.
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Studies are showing that more and more Christians are are deciding not to be members of organized churches. The reason? Primarily, they feel that Christianity is no place for giving and receiving positions of rank and that following Christ should be an individual journey without the constraints of doctrinal guidelines.

While these concerns can be supported by examples of mismanagement in church organizations, there is also evidence of the effectiveness of church organization. For example, when a disaster strikes such as the one in Haiti, church organizations have funds already in place to send immediately. And while the most effective way to witness about Christ to others is through a one on one relationship, the church also provides ministries of health, Bible study, prayer groups, and even financial seminars for member and the public that individuals don't have the resources to provide.

So, to me, the real question is this: How can I be a member of a church organization and still retain my individuality as a personal follower of Christ?

Here are some suggestions. 

• Remember that while I am a member of my church, I am first a member of the body of Christ as a whole. As such, I have the responsibility and privilege of surrendering my life to Jesus every day and not just on the day I attend church. When I give my life to Christ, my life becomes a ministry, and my primary source of power is the blood of Jesus. My church is there to nurture my spiritual growth through Bible study, prayer, and fellowship, which are all valuable to my growth. But the bottom line is that my spiritual journey is about Jesus and me.


• Embrace the assets of the organized church. I need to recharge often, and listening to sermons and exposing myself to the perceptions of other like believers can give me a spiritual boost. It is valuable to be encouraged by views that I agree with, and it is likewise helpful for me to be challenged in my thinking by views that I may not have had on my own. I can also benefit from programs that my church provides, which may include Christian musical artists, speakers, and even recreational activities.


• Prayerfully acknowledge the weaknesses of my church. The key word here is prayerfully. There is no sin in recognizing that a church organization has some weak areas. There may even be some situations that are unquestionably wrong. If that is the case, as a member of the church and as a member of the Body of Christ, I need to prayerfully take my concerns to the appropriate person or group and discuss it, all the while asking God for “meekness of wisdom” (James 3:13). It's just as critical here to recognize what places are inappropriate for discussion, in order to keep the concern in perspective and to avoid any opportunity for gossip.


• Keep my own Bible and prayer time alive! I cannot expect to be valuable to anyone inside or outside of my church if I am not first infused with the power of the Holy Spirit in my own daily existence. Like anyone else, I can drift from a daily devotional time. And, like anyone else, I can soon sense a lack of spiritual strength and productivity. This affects me and my church.

While the organized church may not be perfect (since it happens to be operated by people who are not perfect), the mission of the church is directed by One who is perfect. Still, the organized church is made of individuals. Individuals who were each created in God's image and who carry with them personal spiritual gifts and talents that must be used for their intended purpose. While Christ is the head of the church, it will only be successful when it's members are seeing to their personal relationship with Jesus. As the hymn says, "The church has one foundation. It's Jesus Christ, our Lord."

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By Gwen Scott Simmons. Copyright © 2010 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines. Scripture taken from the NEW KING JAMES VERSION © 1982.

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Night flights aren't much fun. About all you can see is darkness for much of the trip. A lot of the passengers are sleeping, or at least resting, so you cannot visit. At least you have time to think or read.

I’ve thought a lot about how the times we live in are like night flights. Especially when your plane near its destination. You start seeing lights. Just a few at first. Then a few more. Then suddenly, they're everywhere and you know you’re almost home.

The Bible throws light on the times we live in. It says that when you see certain things happening, these are signs of the times. You can know that you’re getting close to the end. Today we have profound evidence that earth's time is almost up.   

Take a look at this Bible prediction. It says there will be “on the earth distress of nations, with perplexity, the sea and the waves roaring; men’s hearts failing them for fear…of those things which are coming on the earth” (Luke 21:25, 26, NKJV). Just look at what’s happening in the political world and in nature. How many wars, hurricanes, tsunamis, earthquakes, and other disasters do we need to experience to know that time is running out for our planet?

The Bible also predicts signs in the social world. “…in the last days…people will love only themselves and money. They will be proud, stuck-up, rude, and disobedient to parents…Their words will be cruel, and they will have no self-control or pity” (2 Timothy 3:2, 3, CEV).

Another sign of our times is forecast in the field of labor and economics. “You keep on storing up wealth in these last days. You refuse to pay the people who worked…and now their unpaid wages are shouting out against you” (James 5:3, 4, CEV). Sound like the evening news.

Where Are We Headed?

These are just a few of the many signs foretold in the Bible to take place in our day. Thinking people everywhere are asking, “What do all these things mean?” “What is our world headed for?”

The Bible says, “So, when you see these things happening, you know that God’s kingdom will soon be here” (Luke 21:31, CEV).

While no one knows the day or the hour when Christ will come again, we can know that it’s near. And let’s remember these words of Jesus: “Watch therefore, and pray always that you may be counted worthy to escape all these things…and to stand before the Son of Man” (Luke 21:36, NKJV).

Just watch for the lights. They are signs that tell you your journey is almost over. And if Jesus is your Pilot, you can be sure of a safe landing!

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By Bob DuBose. Copyright © 2010 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines. Scripture taken from the NEW KING JAMES VERSION © 1982 and the CONTEMPORARY ENGLISH VERSION ®.
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Photo: Sanja Gjenero

Psalm 40:8 tells us, “I delight to do Your will, O my God, and Your law is within my heart.”

As followers of Christ we look to His example for how to live our lives. Christ was a commandment keeper, thus as men and women seeking God’s will for our own lives, we too, should write His law within our hearts. (Hebrews 8:10).

We have all fallen short of the glory of God and understand that we are sinners. How merciful our loving Savior is that despite all of our weakness, He offers His own strength that we might be strong. Being a faithful Christian is not about being who the world would have you to be. It is about being the person God would have you to be. It is about seeking out His perfect will everyday. 

Beautiful Assurance

The Bible tells us that “the law of the Lord is perfect, converting the soul.” (Psalm 19:7). Isn’t that what we all want? A conversion of the soul? For our lives to be holy and pure and righteous? If we do our best to follow His commandments, we can trust that God is faithful to keep His promise when He says, “I will cause you to ride on the high hills of the earth,” (Isaiah 58:14). Isn’t that a beautiful assurance?

Keeping God’s commandments is a heart issue – no one can justify their salvation by works. God knows a sincere heart when He sees one. It is not always easy to do the right thing. Christ never said it would be easy. We can be certain that Christ will give us the courage, the strength and the wisdom we need if we only keep our eyes on Him. Let’s listen to Jesus as He whispers, “If you love me, keep my commandments” (John 14:15).

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By Melissa Ringstaff, Director of www.virtuouswoman.org. Copyright © 2010 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines. Scripture taken from the NEW KING JAMES VERSION © 1982.
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Photo: Studiomill

Recently, I was showing Monica, a friend of mine, how to deadhead flowers. As we stood on the patio off my city apartment, she found it interesting to discover that by pinching off the spent blooms of my hanging baskets, that the plant would produce larger and more abundant flowers. “I never knew that. No wonder your plants are so beautiful,” she exclaimed, “and it’s so easy and simple.”

“Yes, it is,” I answered. However, I told her that pruning can sometimes seem a painful thing to do because frequently the plant needs more than a cursory pruning of the spent blooms but a more compete pruning. Often, a plant grows too full and it needs to be cut away to allow more sunlight to get to its middle, otherwise its health may suffer. Other times, pruning is necessary to shape a plant for a more attractive appearance. The fanciest shaping being topiary, where a plant resembles an animal or object. That pruning is not for the plant’s health but for a special kind of beauty. Topiary is an art unto itself.

Timing is also important. Pruning performed at the wrong time can stifle a plants growth, making it spindly or may even kill it. As gardeners, we must show mercy and love to our plants, only pruning for the right reasons.

Pruning

I am so glad that Jesus loves me enough to prune me when I need it. When unpleasant occurrences happen, I wonder, sometimes through tears, “Why did God allow that?” I usually learn quickly that it was to prune me, so that I can blossom better. He wants me to be a beautiful bloom in His garden. I am aware that God loves me and wants only my best, so even though it’s painful I appreciate His pruning. Thus, even when I face adversity, I realize that it is a form of pruning for me, and I always come out of it a better plant to bloom in my little corner of the world.

However, in the end all flowers die. Only in heaven and the earth-made-new will there be eternal-blooming flowers. As it reads in Isaiah 40:8, “The grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of our God stand forever." Withering grasses and falling petals are the way of a sinful world. Yet even if I never saw a flower again, the fact that God’s word stands forever is good enough for me.

Heaven promises us foreverness of all that is beautiful. Another friend, Barbie, tells me that she is looking forward to that. She earned a degree in horticulture and she knows her stuff, so flowers that never fade will be a very special treat for her. I look forward to those eternal blooms. How about you?

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By Betty Kossick. Copyright © 2010 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines. Scripture taken from the NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION ®.
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"...(The people) all ate and were satisfied, and the disciples picked up twelve basketfuls of broken pieces of bread and fish"(Mark 6:42,43).

So Jesus flunks a catering test. Actually this isn’t a bad score; after feeding something like ten thousand people on that Judean hillside, a few leftover baskets of food isn’t a substantial overage. But why would an all-knowing Jesus miss the mark at all?

In the first book of the Bible, Genesis, Jesus as Creator is a master of precision. Science’s “anthropic principle” suggests that our planet has the perfect size and mass, the exact necessary distance from the sun and other worlds. But when it comes to personal gifts to his human race, he goes over budget every time.

Rational Miracles

Jesus and his disciple pals showed up at a wedding feast in Cana—one of those events which likely lasted several days. Right at the end, they ran out of wine. Just a few more bottles of Martinelli’s probably would have gotten the festivities to the finish line. What does Jesus do? He miraculously fills six large stone jars; Bible experts think He may have conjured up to ninety gallons of the best wine anyone ever tasted. People were probably drinking the leftovers and remembering Jesus’ generous providence for two months after that.

Why these over-the-top, budget-breaking displays of caring? It’s a wonderful truth that our redeemer and friend Jesus simply will not UNDERspend—and lose us.

Stephen Ambrose, in his towering WWII bestseller, D-Day, observes: “War is waste. Men and equipment – and generals – are expendable so long as their destruction or death contributes to the ultimate goal of victory. Hundreds of young men and boys, trained at enormous expense, were killed [on June 6, 1944], many – perhaps most – of them before they could fire one shot. Equipment losses were staggering. Hundreds of tanks, trucks, self-propelled artillery, jeeps, and landing craft of all types went to the bottom or were destroyed on the beach by German artillery. Thousands of radios, rifles, machine guns, ammunition boxes, K and D rations, BARs [Browning automatic rifles], bazookas, flamethrowers, gas masks, hand grenades, and other materiél were destroyed, abandoned, or sunk.”

The Allied forces flooded Omaha Beach with a vast “overage” of firepower; they overcame the tragic waste factor with raw guts and a sheer extravagance of weaponry. Why? The world itself hung in the balance; the dark shadow of Nazism simply had to be defeated—and right then. There could be no tomorrow.

Radical Spending

World War II statistics may seem a bit vintage and black-and-white in their ability to still inspire us. But when I consider a heavenly Father’s lavish overspending on the returning prodigal son—the hugs, the ring, the new shoes, the rich family robe, the fatted calf—well, that’s me in the story. That’s me with the 90 gallons of Martinelli’s.

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By David Smith. Copyright © 2010 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines. Scripture taken from the NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION ®.
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When Carolyn Kelly heard a car splash into a pond at the Glen Retirement Village in Shreveport, La., she didn’t stop to think. Stripping off her clothes and jumping into the pond, Kelly swam to the rescue of 83-year-old Nina Hutchinson while Hutchinson’s husband, Harlem, 90, dog-paddled to shore.

The Carnegie Hero Fund, a program recognizing human courage under extreme conditions, honored Kelly for her rescue efforts.

Kelly, 82, is the oldest woman to have been honored in the program’s 99-year history.

While Shreveport officials called Kelly’s actions “absolutely incredible,” Kelley maintains that she simply did what needed to be done. “When you are there and that is happening, you either have to do it or live with your conscience forever,” Kelly said. “We were the only people there, and it had to be so.”

Unlike Kelly’s selfless and saving attitude, Jonah overflowed with anger and bitterness when it was time for him to jump in and bail out souls drowning in sin. After reluctantly diving into Nineveh to warn the residents of God’s wrath, Jonah was upset over God’s choice to save the repentant townspeople. God tried to teach Jonah a lesson, but Jonah couldn’t see the irony in his own actions—he was filled with pity over the death of a plant while commanding God to destroy the people Jonah had threatened and God had created and forgiven. Jonah was bitter that God would renege on the promise to give the Ninevites what they deserved rather than rejoicing over the lives that had been saved.

Jonah's surprise

What Jonah failed to understand is that God is in the business of giving people what they don’t deserve—forgiveness, salvation, joy and life.

God continuously and unabashedly grants unworthy humans grace, love and mercy. In John 3:16, one of the best-known Bible verses, we see God’s willingness to send His own Son to jump in after a drowning world as proof of our Creator’s everlasting mercy and goodness.

God enjoys lavishing forgiveness on sinners. In fact, 1 John 1:4 reminds us that, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive our sins and to clean us up from all unrighteousness.”

As Christians, saved by grace and entrusted with the responsibility of sharing the love of Christ, we are uniquely able to focus on God’s gift of forgiveness and enduring compassion as we seek to fully understand our Maker’s ultimate plan for our lives.

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By Lauren Schwarz. Copyright © 2010 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines. Scripture taken from the NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION ®.
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Photo: Jarsem

My local store features rows of beautiful red hothouse-grown tomatoes. The controlled environment produces perfection on the outside but bland, unsatisfying taste and texture on the inside. Out under the blazing sun, brushed by the wind and the rain, grow the real beauties that can make any sandwich a gastronomic delight.

We face an interesting parallel in our homes and schools. On one hand, many of our kids arrive each morning at school from home environments that are dysfunctional and at times abusively toxic. School is their stability; teachers their only mentors—thank God for dedicated teachers. Yet there is another extreme that is pushing some towards the ditch on the opposite side of the road.

“Hothouse parents,” as Psychology Today describes them, hover over their children and their children’s schools, even up through the collegiate level. It is a level of protectionism that not only drives teachers crazy, but excuses children from difficult choices and situations. Rather than upset these parents, some public schools have selected 10 to 12 valedictorians. Yet, it seems to me that this political correctness, this desire to insulate children from any sense of failure is counterproductive if we want to raise leaders rather than wimps.

Pushing Achievement more than Character Development

Some in our society, parents included, are pushing student achievement far more than character development. Yet, by forcing kids toward more achievement, parents have eliminated the very process by which children learn to cope with life’s realities, the very process by which character matures. Students arrive at college or even their first job, unable to contend positively with peer pressure or basic ethical issues of right and wrong.

Seems to me a “hothouse” environment is not the ideal place for our children. Shouldn’t character development, training our children to make choices and live with the consequences, be a higher priority than mere achievement? Are they mutually exclusive? What do you think? What are the pitfalls on either side of this question?

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By Steve Vistaunet. Portions reprinted with persmission from the North Pacific Union Conference Gleaner, October 2006. Copyright © 2010 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines.
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Photo: Mikhail Kovalev

Marianne always put the kettle on. We’d known each other since we attended South High School, in Akron, Ohio. However, the years of our young motherhood launched the full bloom of our friendship. As a friend, she measured well. She died in July 2009. I am poorer without her yet my friendship coffer remains full; I treasure each one who fills a part of my circle, and making new friends is ever a joy.

Along life’s pathway, there is a key element in lasting friendship: the art of listening, the same element that makes a person successful at most anything in life. Marianne knew the listening-art well.

A visit to Marianne’s home found her scurrying to put the kettle on to fix a warm drink—and listen. She liked to brew tea bags in fat mugs. She always made one tea bag do for two mugs. That is, one bag for each of us to each savor two cupfuls. As she listened, she’d press the warm cup close to her cheek and cast her blue eyes directly, lovingly, at me, exposing her obvious sense of caring.

Often in our young years, when money was tight, we’d go into a card shop together and pick out cards to view, telling the other “this card is for you.” We’d sigh or cry over the sentiments, enjoying our bit of frugality. Indeed, those times provided sweet moments of sisterhood serendipity.

Wealth of Family

I always enjoyed listening to her accounts of growing up with Hungarian grandparents on her father’s side of the family—and her American “Hoosier” family on her mother’s side. She seemed so very proud of her queue of maternal aunts. Those stories delighted me as a child of divorce, who knew little about my own heritage. Wealth of family was hers. I enjoyed her family too, especially her mother Elsa and her Aunt Reba. Her children also became special to me.

Listening provided a two-way street for us every time we gathered our skirts about us for a visit in person, by telephone, by postmark mail or in the electronic age by email. We succored each other through both the hardest and most joyous parts of our lives.

She stands out as the one who always put the kettle on. She took time for me, as I did for her. Interestingly, an aspect that I remember well is this; as we discussed something of utmost importance, she’d go to her hutch and choose her daintiest teacups—not the mugs. There were times when “the fine” helped us make the best decisions, and we often made them over demitasse.

Yet be it with delicate china cups or thick mugs, our hearts meshed, a friendship to remember. She never asked if I held a thirst for a warm drink, she simply put the kettle on. With the kettle’s whistle, I knew both safety and love in her presence. Friends are an extension of family and she will ever remain as a sister.

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By Betty Kossick. Copyright © 2010 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines.
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Every one of us has experienced a situation where another human being, especially a child, has “pushed our buttons”. Sometimes these negative interactions are momentary; sometimes they last for days.

Have you ever felt stuck in such a situation? Take courage.You are not alone and you can take steps to dissipate what I like to call the relationship blues.Try this.

Vent your feelings by listing words that describe how you are viewing the child/person of your frustration. Don’t stop to analyze your responses, just identify them. Be specific. The only rule here is that you must write what you feel the person is, not what you feel the person ought to be. For example:

Lillian is stubborn!!!!

Lillian is touchy!!

Lillian is too fussy.

Lillian is a dreamer.  (Notice I can’t say inattentive, that tells what she is not.)

Now ask yourself, “How does this make me feel?” List your responses:

I feel frustrated, mad, angry, depressed, like giving up. . .

Having identified exactly what is bothering you, let out a breath, relax your clenched jaw, and consider two very important facts. First, feelings are never wrong. Feelings are. The way they are handled may need improvement, but the feelings themselves are not wrong. We and our children need to understand the critical role healthy feelings play in helping us to make judgments about our own behavior as well as the role they play in helping us to set sensible boundaries between ourselves and others.¹  And second, did you know that you can find something to be happy about in this list of “awful” traits?

Look for the Positive

Go back, and as you look, identify something positive within each negative trait. Like this:

Lillian is stubborn.  -  She may be very determined or persuasive. That would help her encourage others to stick with something or help her finish when others have given up.

Lillian is touchy.  -  She may be very sensitive. She will sense needs that others aren’t aware of. . .

Lillian is too fussy.  -  She may be very careful or attentive to detail. . .

Lillian is a dreamer.  -  She may be very creative and imaginative. . .

Lillian is messy.  -  She may be very easy going, not likely to get stressed. . .

I hope this exercise will both lift your spirits and give you something to be thankful for.

And next time, before feelings begin to build, first try diffusing the situation with a bit of positive praise. Instead of reacting with, “Don’t be so fussy!” Try, “I’m really glad that I have a son/daughter who pays so much attention to detail. That trait could help you be a really good research reporter, doctor. . . .  Let’s see what we can work out here.” The praise will help everyone involved feel positive and open the path toward resolution of your conflict.

And if feelings still build... you know what you can do.

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By C. Rene Ammundsen. Copyright © 2010 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines.

¹ Carol Cannon discusses this topic in depth in her book, "Never Good Enough", 1993.

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Photo: Michal Rybski

My three-month stint as a sales representative in the car business was an eye-opening time of discovery and jaw-dropping realizations that many car dealerships (including the one that I was working for) were less than scrupulous. I left that job in disgust after witnessing the financial fleecing of a young couple with a new baby. In that transaction, there was only one winner….the dealership.

Years later I taught consumer advocate classes on how to get the best deal on a new vehicle. Class attendees were excited to learn that thousands could be saved simply by knowing what to do. Here are a few tips that might be helpful if you’re contemplating a vehicle purchase.

1. Be informed. With web sites like www.edmunds.com and www.kbb.com (the Kelly Blue Book site), there is no reason why anyone should pay more than they have to. These informative sites list manufacturers’ suggested retail prices (MSRP) for most vehicles, and often give you inside information on safety ratings, popularity, and re-sale value of cars, pickups and SUVs. Being an informed consumer gives you the buying edge.

2. Be calculated. Start looking before you actually need another car. Undo pressure to find a vehicle because yours is no longer running can work against you, especially when your options are limited. Decide which brand and model will best suit your needs before you begin your search. Never make final decisions in the car lot. You haven’t lost anything if you go home and think about it.

3. Timing is everything. December is usually a good month to purchase a new car or truck because car dealerships are ordinarily slow during the holiday rush. Keep in mind, they want you to purchase a vehicle as much (or perhaps more) than you need to purchase one. Take your time, do your homework, and cross-check everything in the transaction.

4. Learn the tricks of the trade. By putting in some time with a consumer advocate website or two, you can learn some of the tricks that dealers often employ to get more of your hard earned money. Place the phrase, “car buying tips” in the search engines, and discover less-than-honest techniques used against unsuspecting buyers. There are many dishonest people in our world (whether we like it or not), and understanding their game plan can keep you from making costly blunders.

5. Don’t buy new. Purchasing a vehicle that’s two years or older from a private party can save you a bundle. Employ the information found at www.edmunds.com to discover current market prices for the model year you’re looking at. Keep in mind that new doesn’t necessarily mean better.

Oh, and there’s one more thing that the auto pros won’t tell you to do – ask God to direct your family to a vehicle that will serve you well. Our Creator cares about everything that affects our lives and can help us make good decisions, even when it comes to the vehicles we need.

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By Michael Temple. Copyright © 2010 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines.
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Photo: Tracy Whiteside

Home for the summer from my first year in college, my old friends wanted to know what college life was like. Many of the seniors at my old high school asked me, “What do I do, when I get to college and I have all that free time?” (What they meant was more unstructured time compared to high school.) Free time, are you kidding me?

I told them I learned that the most important thing for me was time management. I had to learn the hard way. I spent my "free" time watching TV shows online or movies with my friends. But as the semester progressed, I learned that I needed to get my priorities straight, or I wouldn’t succeed in college.

I made a schedule for myself. A schedule helped me see what was important, and what could wait. I could prioritize my many activities realizing that there were only so many hours in a day. I felt organized and happier.

Practical Ideas

Here are some practical ideas that have helped me manage my time better.

1. Create a list. At the beginning of the week, list all the things you have to get done before that week is over. It helps to see everything laid out in front of you and how it will fit into your week.

2. Use a calendar. I would create a list of all the homework and projects due for that week and then put them onto a calendar that I bought. That way, when I had time left over, I could double check my calendar and make sure I had checked off all the things I knew I had do or see if there were any items I had neglected. 

3. Ask for God's help. In managing my time, I had to remember the King of all time management. What a relief to know that when I asked God to help me manage the time He has given me, He did help. He has promised in Isaiah 32:8: "I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will guide you with My eye."

I may become frustrated, at the lack of time to get my work done each day. But God, in all His power, can make all things possible. He will help me manage what I cannot. Trusting Him to lead my life is the wisest decision I have ever made because He can see so much farther than I can.

With these simple steps you are sure to experience a less hectic, more fulfilled life.

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By Jennifer Camps. Copyright © 2010 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines. Scripture taken from the NEW KING JAMES VERSION © 1982.
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Photo: Jeri Gray

Some of you may be familiar with the place. You may have had a similar experience. After eating lunch at Fernwood Gardens (a botanical garden near Buchanan, Michigan), my husband and I had taken a short walk down to a dock at the water’s edge on the St. Joseph River. As we sat there soaking in the quiet beauty and warmth of the sun, I looked across the water and saw two adult Canada Geese swimming down the river. Between them were three goslings. Talk about synchronized swimmers!

As I marveled in their beauty and the way they swam together, I heard a motor boat approaching from the other direction. The boat was coming so quickly that I was worried it would be upon them before they could swim to safety. Yes, the parents could take off in flight, but not the goslings! I felt a stab of fear as the boat came closer and closer.

The geese were in the middle of a wide stretch of the river. Almost imperceptibly the male, who was in the lead, changed direction and began to swim towards the shore. His family followed.  There was no sense of confusion or anxiety.

As the two parents directed their little ones towards safety, I thought about how it might be if it were a human family. The female might have said, “I take care of these kids more than you do, and I know they swim to the left faster than towards the right.” The parents could have discussed, or even argued, about which parent knew what was right or best. In the meantime, the little ones would have been in jeopardy and all would have lost important time. These parents had a partnership, and together they worked for the good of their family.

As they glided, seemingly so effortlessly, close to the shore and the speed boat passed the geese, it struck me that there was a lesson here. After the family of geese were safely resting under some hanging tree limbs by the shore, my husband and I talked about lessons we could glean from that experience.

This goose family illustrated what I believe God intended for our families. Goose pairs mate for life, and both parents care for their goslings. God’s desire is that husband and wife, mother and father, work together for the good of their children. They are to protect their children from the dangers of this world. I believe those three goslings had no idea of their potential peril.

I invite you to consider other lessons we can learn from Canada Geese and that little family of five.

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By Susan E. Murray. Copyright © 2010 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines.
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Last week I remembered that it has been one year since my husband had his motorcycle accident. After I heard a chaplain’s message on my cell phone, after I panicked and went numb, after I called my son, and then found my way to the hospital ER, I finally got to see my husband lying on a gurney. He appeared pale and vulnerable, wrapped in a hospital- issue blanket with an IV in his arm. One arm was very swollen and scraped raw. There was gunk around one ear and upon further inventory, one leg was also scraped. He was nauseated but alert. The only thing he could remember was changing lanes and the sensation of his bike starting to slide under him. He had no knowledge of where he landed, who called the ambulance or his ride to the hospital. I wanted to crawl up and lay beside him.

Our son and daughter-in-law arrived and offered their support. I called our daughter, Tim’s colleagues and some family members, asking for prayers. Finally, after hours of observations and a good MRI, the attending physician prescribed that Tim stay overnight and be re-checked in the morning. Reluctantly I kissed him good night while he waited for an available bed. 

I carried away his scraped helmet and leather jacket, plus a bag with his cut up pants and a messy shirt. As I walked into the house, and tried to go to bed that night, I was so overwhelmed by what “almost happened.” If, if, if, —I could have come home a widow. The end of our earthly relationship. Our bed felt so big that night while he stayed in the hospital. When I went to see him in the morning, I found him on the neurology ward. During my few hours with him there, we could hear some incoherent screaming and ranting coming from a room down the hall. I became aware that worse things could have happened besides his death—living with the shell of a man, or one whose brain damage would have left him with a changed personality, inability to work, or outbursts of rage or withdrawal.

Damage

So the damage amounted to a concussion, bruised arm and a totaled motorcycle—minus a pair of pants and a shirt. I couldn’t keep him at home for very long, drove him for a few days, and watched for signs of internal damage. He suffered from dizziness for about a month, and sometimes it seemed he was more forgetful. We joked about him using the accident as an excuse for lots of things. I made it very plain to him that I did not ever want to receive another motorcycle accident phone call. 

For weeks when I drove along the road where he had his accident, I kept wondering, “is that where he fell? Are those blacks marks from his accident?” I cringed when I saw men on motorcycles without jackets and helmets—resisting the urge to scream at them during traffic stoplights. 

I believe that my husband became much more committed to his relationship with God and myself after his accident. Good things do sometimes come out of bad. I’m thankful and aware of the fragility of our lives on this earth. In a second, everything can change. I also believe that God shares with us, that sense of an unfinished relationship when people are lost or damaged in accidents. It is He also, who longs for “more time to get closer, to make things right.” He knows that we live in an “accident waiting to happen,” and God hates those phone calls more than we will ever know.  

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By Karen Spruill, M.A. Copyright © 2010 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines. Scripture taken from the NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION ®.
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Photo: Elina Elisseeva

One of the most important ingredients in a happy Christian home is faithful attendance at the family altar. The Bible shows a consistent example of daily worship, morning and evening. In addition to having individual time with God each day, many Christian families make time for family worship as well.

This practice of family worship is strongly encouraged by the Christian community. Books have been written. Sermons have been preached. Traditions have been handed down. And it's no wonder either, when we consider the world in which we live. Taking time with our children first thing in the morning encourages a spiritual start to the day as well as ending the day with a spiritual nightcap.

Most families agree that having family worship is essential when children are young as this time can be an opportunity for daily lessons from the Bible as well as training them to spend time every day in prayer. But it seems that family worship sometimes begins to decrease when the children become teens. Perhaps this is because the teens have begun their own worship time, which is great! That would be evidence that the years of family worship prior to that have made a positive impact. Or maybe things just get a lot busier in the household as the children get older. Whatever the reason, I'd like to suggest that families make a special effort to hold on to family worship time for as long as their children are in the home.

Here are some reasons to do that:

1. Family worship is a treasure that lasts only a few years. Even if the kids are not especially “into” it, they are still present and it is time that the family is connecting with each other. Likely, that practice is one they will continue with their children when the time comes.


2. Having family worship in the morning beats Satan to the punch! And who wants Satan punching on their teens?  Morning worship gives an opportunity to ask God's protection from Satan as well as to ask for guidance on activities that will be happening that day in school and at work. It doesn't have to be lengthy at all. The point is not to see how much material you can absorb, but to truly absorb whatever little nugget you can. Then in the evening worship, you may just want to review whatever that nugget was and if it applied to them through the day.


3. Don't expect every family worship time to be a spiritual high with your teens. If you do, you will probably be disappointed or discouraged. Just as with going to church, every sermon doesn't change our lives. But if we aren't present, the sermon that would change our lives will never be received. It's the same with family worship. The call is to show up. The spiritual effects may not be realized until later. On the other hand, sometimes there will definitely be spiritual highs.


4. Teens need family worship as much as younger children. This family time can be used to discuss how the Bible stories apply to real life as they are going through some of the most difficult situations they will ever face in their lives.


5. Try not to be a control freak when it comes to family worship. While a sense of reverence needs to be maintained, teens need to know they have a safe place to discuss honestly some questions or concerns they may be having regarding spiritual matters. So if you read one verse of the Bible and it ends up leading to a discussion that leaves no time to finish the passage, don't worry about it. Put your family worships in God's hands and allow the Holy Spirit to lead.

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By Gwen Scott Simmons. Copyright © 2010 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines.

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One Sabbath Jesus showed up at His hometown synagogue in Nazareth and had the Scripture reading. It caused such a fuss that they tried to toss Him over the cliff at the end of the service.

In the midst of this most unfortunate reception, Jesus told His hearers  that "no prophet is welcome in his hometown" (Luke 4:24). This is such a universal principle. The people who are closest to us usually do not elicit much of our respect or praise. The grass is always greener, the person is always more talented on the other side of the fence.

Take our dog Ginger. Ginger is a mutt, a medium-sized-Benji-like dog with curly brown hair and the most crooked teeth in the world. We got her several years ago and she has grown up with the family. Right away she became attached to my wife and still follows her everywhere.

Now, I grew up with hunting dogs who stayed in pens in the backyard. They were not really pets but provided my father with eager dogs who flushed out the deer during hunting season. They had names like Mike and Duke and would run all day in the open air. I can tell you that none of them had a name like "Ginger" who slept indoors and was definitely "spoiled."

When we moved over near the hills I got a mountain bike and began riding. I often thought how my father would take his dogs to the hills and how they loved to run their hearts out. But all I had was Ginger, Miss tenderfoot, who only got up to eat and chase the occasional cat.

Little Did I Know

To this day I don't know what got into me, but I decided to take Ginger for a little run in the hills. She always liked riding in the car, so I packed my bike and the dog and headed toward the mountains. Now I was fully expecting for Ginger to whine by the side of the road, and initiate a get lost, not-keep-up act. But when we hit the trail, I was somewhat surprised that Ginger, like the hunting dogs, kept right with me when going up the hill. I was even more shocked that she became a speed demon and endurance champ when going down the hill. She literally ran herself to exhaustion.

At the end of the ride I knew that I had found a new mountain companion. For several years afterword, whenever Ginger would see me getting prepared to ride, she would get super-excited with the thought that I might take her to the mountains.

As Jesus said, "No dog is accepted in their hometown." Do you have a child, student, employee, or employer you think you know, but maybe don't? Give them a chance. Take them to the "hills." You might be surprised how well they can run.

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By Jim Park. Copyright © 2010 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines. Scripture taken from the NEW AMERICAN STANDARD BIBLE ®
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Photo: Stacie Andrea

Careers and education often create difficult choices for families to relocate—within a state or across the country. Many grandparents face the reality of years of separation from their grandchildren or pulling up their own roots to follow their families. Often grandparents are not financially able to start over in a new location, are not ready to become dependent by living with their children and grandchildren, or do not have strong enough health to make the transition. It is with deep sorrow they wave good-bye or lose the privilege of living near their grandchildren.

How can grandparents cope with the many miles between them and the grandchildren they so love and want to have as a part of their lives? I offer a few suggestions that might ease the feelings of being discarded or forgotten:

Stay current with technology: yes, old dogs can learn new tricks. My dear father-in-law tackled the skills of e-mailing at age 85. Busy adult children and grandchildren will be more accessible by e-mail and digital photography use. Many senior centers and community colleges offer short courses in e-mail or photography. It is possible to stay current with family life in ways that allow you to see their activities. You will amaze your family, and learning new skills is a proven way to help your own mental abilities stay sharp. If you have two or three families to write to, consider starting a letter of your own, weekly sending it for additions to each child’s address and then back to you. You may also find ways to stay connected by asking for your grandchildren’s favorite TV shows and making a point to watch one of them, just so you can discuss the events together the next day—and you’ll stay current with their generation. Or you can plan to read a certain book together and discuss the chapters by e-mail. Think about how you could use video to share your hobbies and interests--reading chapters out of story books for small grandchildren’s bedtimes; grandma showing how to make some of her special recipes or instructions for crocheting, or simple sewing; grandfather’s best golf swing, how to pot plants, etc.

Start a long-distance collection or journey: Children ages 8-12 often enjoy collections and receiving additions. If you live near the beach, or fossil beds, you could encourage your grandchild’s knowledge by sending special items periodically. They could do the same for you if they live near special habitat or geography and you could supply the mailers if you know the parents are too busy. Forwarding interesting website pages will show that you are involved in their interests. Encourage an overweight grandchild by sending a pedometer and pick a journey: we will both walk across “Alabama” this summer and keep track of daily miles, posting where we each are on a map, and learning about towns along the way. Celebrate the goal with a gift ordered from that state or area.
  
Offer to take one child for a period in the summer: grandparents can feel overwhelmed if they think they have to invite two or more grandchildren to spend the whole summer. It might be best to take one at a time, or one this summer and another next summer. Consider the age of the child/children. Small children may do best if they have a sibling with them. If you are not sure what to do with the children and fear they will be bored, consider what activities are available in your community: VBS at any local churches, story time at the local library, a special class at the YMCA, picking fruits and vegetables, or a special event at the senior center. Make an investment in something extra fun for your home, especially if you have more than one grandchild—a four-wheeler, an aboveground summer pool, several new board games, or some craft kits. Special memories can be built around a project: making a birdhouse, sewing a small quilt, updating a computer or car, etc.

Consider a yearly family reunion: more and more families that are scattered around the country find special meaning in family reunions held at amusement parks, state parks, camp meetings, or cruises. If you do not know where to start, a local travel agent or website could give you some ideas and get some group rates. Holidays might be a good time to try this so that there is a neutral turf and no “favorites” for getting together.

Do a Birthday Update: especially if you cannot be with your grandchildren on their birthdays, send that e-mail or do a telephone interview with the child to find out how they are growing. “Happy Birthday, I want to know all about you.” Ask many questions: how tall are you, what size do you wear now, what is your favorite color, food, sport, music group, best friend, favorite book and movie, hardest class in school, etc. Most importantly, remember the birthday and Christmas with some kind of memento, even if it is just a small gift card to a store.
 
Adopt another grandchild: do for a child what you wish someone would do for yours. Many children are separated from grandparents or vice versa.  When our children were small, a close friend of my in-laws would sit near us in church and bring a little treat or gift for them. Her grandchildren lived far away and she made each week special for our children. My own mother sewed special gifts for a small girl in her church. Watch for small items at dollar stores, store sales or garage sales. Many private schools will welcome a grandparent to come in and read stories or just share lunchtime with select students.

Keep a sense of humor: my grandfather and I used to exchange funny letters in which we pretended to be American Indians. He would slip in some of his favorite activities, as would I with our imaginative personas. The 6-10 year old crowd often appreciates newspaper cartoons and jokes. Funny, smiling grandparents are nice to spend time with—whether it is in person or electronically!

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By Karen Spruill, M.A. Copyright © 2010 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines.
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Photo: Studiomill

Tears stung my eyes as frustration broke through my giddy, excited state. I’d been determined to keep a happy attitude in order to still the fear of traveling alone. It proved harder than I thought once the van driver started yelling at me. All alone at the airport in a country I’d never been to, I couldn’t find the place where the driver had told me he’d pick me up. After fifteen minutes of waiting at the wrong place, I received his angry phone call and heard his rapid yelling in Spanish. I got myself to the second floor, the right place, and waited at terminal B.

I was alone with my failure for six hours in the back of a van, filled with people I’d never seen before and would never see again. Then I remembered the resolution I’d made to myself a long time ago. Learn something positive from everyone you meet. Now that's a fairly easy thing to do, under the right circumstances. It’s easy to find the positive in the man waiting in line with you at Starbucks, who tells you his compelling life story, or the woman at the supermarket who handles her screaming toddlers with patience and expertise. Not so easy to do when a complete stranger is yelling at you for not doing something you didn’t know how to do. Or when the old man sitting next to you in a beat-up van is asleep a mere inches away from your face.

Time passed, and the old man woke up and we got to talking. I learned that he was extremely smart, and knew, and was accepting of, cultures that weren’t his own. Lesson learned:  Be less self-centered. The old man was dropped off at his desired location, and then so was everyone else but me. I was left alone with my “best friend,” who had yelled at me.

Impromptu Tour

I moved closer to the front and he asked me if it was my first time in Puerto Rico. When I answered that it was, he proceeded to give me an impromptu tour, even in the complete darkness, as he drove me all the way to where I needed to go.

I learned so much, and not just about Puerto Rico. I learned that he lived an hour away from where he was dropping me off, and had a long way to go before he finally got home to his family. I learned that driving me all the way up the mountains usually cost more, but he wasn’t going to charge me any more than the standard rate, and that he was a man true to his word. He didn’t even accept a tip, no matter how much I insisted.

I realized that, whether it had been my fault or not, I had made him late, delaying him, and everyone else on the van, from getting home. He could have scammed me, dropped me off at a bus station instead of taking me all the wayto my destination, and I wouldn’t have known that he could have done better. Lesson learned: Don’t ever, ever, assume that everything about a person can be determined by a first impression… and get better at learning life's lessons. 

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By Raquel Levy. Copyright © 2010 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines.
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Photo: Daniel Mohorovic

Three guys walking on a beach together stumble on an ancient lamp. As they pick it up and hold it, suddenly a genie pops out.

“For freeing me from my prison,” says the genie, “each of you will receive one wish.”

The rancher among them says, “I’d sure like to be back on my ranch with all my cattle.” Poof! He’s gone.

The cabbie says, “I’d sure like to be back in New York City driving my taxicab.” Poof! He’s gone, too.

“And what is your wish?” the genie asks the third guy.

“Well, I’m kinda lonely here with the other guys gone. I wish they were back with me!” Poof! Poof! Welcome back guys!

Chronically Lonely

A Gallup poll a few years back discovered that one in three Americans are chronically lonely. Busy work and family schedules, geographic mobility, divorce, and fragmentation of families are all increasig a sense of isolation and a deepening need for meaningful relationships. Which heightens the significance of knowing how to build good, healthy relationships.

Remember the hugely popular TV sitcom "Friends," the ongoing stories about six young adult friends living in Manhattan? The show triumphed for 10 seasons, essentially helping to define or at least describe American relational culture. The show’s theme song stated:

“See no one told you life was going to be this way. Your job’s a joke, you’re broke, your love life’s DOA. It’s like you’re always stuck in second gear, when it hasn’t been your day, your week, your month or even your year. But I’ll be there for you (when the rain starts to fall). I’ll be there for you (like I’ve been there before). I’ll be there for you (cause you’re there for me too).”

Who among us wouldn’t want to enjoy that kind of relationship with others? So what does it take?

Fostering good relationships is about providing spaces to nurture meaningful connections with each other and others, where we’re learning how to say “I’ll be there for you ….” Having good relationships might not be as easy as rubbing the magic genie’s lamp—but who knows—your deepest wishes could come true.

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By Greg Nelson. Copyright © 2010 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines.
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Photo: Hemera

I was recently talking with a young woman whose marriage seemed to be crumbling before her eyes. She and her husband were both unhappy. They seemed to fight and bicker about everything. Anger and resentment were destroying their affections of warmth and love.

Many women today are not happy with some or most aspects of their marriage. Husbands do not always perform as expected. Marriage is hard work and rarely works well if both partners are not willing to put forth the effort required.

Whether your husband is a man of God, with habits you don't like; or is an unbeliever who has a long way to go before becoming the man you wish he'd be, there are things you can do to help.

Pray your way

In any relationship it takes two people to argue and fight. So, to begin your journey of marital renewal, think about your own habits and attitudes. Write them down. It's hard to change habits you've had for a long time. It can even be painful. But Scripture tells us that all things are possible through Christ.¹ Through daily prayer God will provide you with the strength needed to change your behavior.

The key is prayer. Whether you need help with daily frustrations, or help forgiving your husband of a wrong he's committed, God is there to guide, comfort and help.²

“Cast your burdens upon the Lord, and he will sustain you: he will never let the righteous fall” (Psalm 55:22).

What a powerful verse? We're invited to give our hurts, disappointments, and failures to God, knowing that He hears each and every word.³ Keep a journal of your prayers, write as you pray. List your prayers for your husband, yourself, your marriage, and other people you feel compelled to pray for.

It's impossible to harbor anger toward someone you are praying for. The man you vowed to love and honor should be the most important person in your life. He deserves your prayers and petitions on his behalf. More importantly, he needs your prayers.

Why not make it a point to pray for every aspect of your marriage, from finances to the intimate times you share, all are of great concern to God.⁴

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By Melissa Ringstaff. Copyright © 2010 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines. Scripture taken from the NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION ®.

¹ Philippians 4:13
² Isaiah 58:11, Matthew 9:22, Psalm 55:22
³ Proverbs 15:29
⁴ 1 Peter 5:7


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