Photo: Dmitry Naumov

I keep forgetting her. My brand new baby girl.

There's been nothing traumatic yet, but I just keep forgetting that she exists. I'll be driving along and suddenly remember that she is behind me in her car seat. Or I'll be talking to someone and mention going somewhere with my boys—and they'll say, “Aren't you taking Kira, too?” Or she'll be quietly asleep upstairs and I'll be downstairs and it will suddenly hit me KIRA EXISTS! The worst is that I have dreams of forgetting her for real. Of accidently leaving her home when I go to dinner or something like that.

Unfortunately, this is not a totally unfounded fear.

When Jake was a baby, we were living in England. One day when he was very young, I went to our little local market, parked in the parking lot and walked the 15 steps to the door. Bought some lettuce, asparagus and tomatoes, paid, and walked back to the car. Halfway back I PANICKED seeing that there he was, asleep in his car seat. I had left him in the car.

Luckily, the weather was cool, he was locked in and I had only been away from the car for maybe 4-5 minutes. But these are the things people call Child Protective Services for—and I'd done it.

Imprinted on My Mind

I'm not sure why this happens. Maybe it’s a mixture of post-natal brain hormones and the blowing of all your previous paradigms by the arrival of a new member of the family? Whatever the reason, it is a little scary and I'm looking forward to having her so imprinted in my mind that it stops happening!  

In the mean time, I have a new procedure. Before leaving the house or starting the car or getting out of the car, I've started counting my children! (But my husband is on his own. I can't remember him, too!)

Luckily, our Father in heaven does not have any problems with remembering His children. Isaiah reminds us that even when we accuse him of forgetting us, He is there.

“Yet Jerusalem says, “The Lord has deserted us; the Lord has forgotten us.”

“Never! Can a mother forget her nursing child? Can she feel no love for the child she has borne? But even if that were possible, I would not forget you! See, I have written your name on the palms of my hands””  (Isaiah 49:14-16a).

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By Joelle Yamada. Copyright © 2010 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines. Scripture taken from the NEW LIVING TRANSLATION © 1996.
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Years ago a man purchased a remote castle in Spain. Vandals were destroying the old building, so the man hired a builder to put a protective wall around the castle. Weeks later the man checked on the builder’s progress and nothing had been done. The builder complained, “I cannot find any materials to build a wall.” The owner replied, “I don’t care what it takes, build a wall!”

The next time the owner visited his castle, he smiled at a new wall being built around his valuable citadel. But when he walked through the gate he discovered the builder had used materials from the castle itself to build the wall. His fortress was being destroyed!

Our hearts are like a castle. Some of us have built walls around our hearts to protect ourselves. Perhaps we have been hurt so deeply in life that we are determined to never allow anyone or anything to hurt us again. But these walls to protect ourselves can end up destroying our hearts. We can be so walled in, that we can no longer love those around us. We close up emotionally. Our hearts become hard toward others. Our spouses and children can be deeply wounded because we are unavailable relationally.

Born Again

There is only one solution to a walled-in heart. Jesus says in John 3:3 that we must be born again. We need to let the cold, rock walls around our hearts come down so that God can give us new hearts. A Scripture verse I have memorized and often quote in my own prayer time is this: “I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh” (Ezekiel 36:26).

There is nothing wrong with walls to protect you. It is not wrong to say to people, “You may come this far, but no further.” The problem is not building a wall. The problem is building a wall without doors or windows. These types of walls keep all people out—not just people who might hurt us, but people who love us as well. God wants you to love and be loved. You cannot give love or receive love unless you open your heart. If your heart is like stone, or if it is hidden by thick, cold walls, open your life up to the God who can give you a new heart.

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By Curtis Rittenour. Copyright © 2010 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines. Scripture taken from the NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION ®.

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There comes a time in our lives when we need to define who we are—when we need to figure out what defines us. But, wait. Who is the doing the defining?

The Bible tells us in Job 9 that God can move mountains, but anyone who has ever surrendered their life to Christ can tell you that sometimes He will move the mountains to you instead of from you. Sometimes he will place mountains in our path, not because He wants us to fail or give up, but because He knows that climbing mountains builds strength.

When faced with a mountain, people will react differently. Some will tackle the mountain with all they’re worth, some will strategize the best way to get around it, some will give up before even trying, and others, after a failed attempt or two, will look at the mountain and say “Hmm, I could get used to this.”

Choose to Keep It

Who are you? What defines you? To the person who has given up after a try or two, and has chosen to adapt, the mountain is who they are. This person has become so used to the mountain that they find they are not themselves without it. So they will not climb it, go around it, or attempt to get rid of it at all. The mountain, complaining about the mountain, and wishing the mountain were gone, have become such big parts of their lives that even when it becomes easy to get rid of the mountain, they choose to keep it.

God did not place mountains in our path so that they overcome and become us, He meant for us to overcome them. He wanted us to look at the mountain and ask Him for help, to surrender everything that held us back and weighed us down, and with His strength overcome our problems.

Are there problems in your life that you’re holding on to? At first look, it’s easy to make excuses and say that we can’t get rid of the problem. But can God? Yes! Face your problem, pray about your problem, and then let it go.  We are to have our lives center around one thing, and it’s not a mountain. We are to be defined by the awesome and all- encompassing love of Christ. The love than can move mountains.

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By Raquel Levy. Copyright © 2010 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines. Scripture taken from the NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION ®.
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Photo: Inna Paladii

Ally is eighteen months old and is loving life. Surrounded by people who are always ready to read her a new book or share a new experience with her, she is almost constantly embracing fresh experiences.

One new adventure that Ally experienced during an extended family gathering was being introduced to family dogs, Henry and Lucy. While she was very intrigued with the furry friends and quickly identified them with repeated chants of “doggie,” she was still a little nervous when they ran behind her. On those occasions, she would run to a parent, hold up her arms and say, “Up!”  Naturally, she would immediately be picked up. Looking down at the dogs from the arms of her protector, Ally would smile securely.

Secure and Familiar Arms

Up. It's a simple word, but it packs a lot of power for a toddler. When you think of it, that word packs a lot of power for all of us. No matter what giants we face, we can always hold up our arms to our heavenly Father and say, “Up!” We can know that we will then be lifted to the secure and familiar arms of the One who has already proven to be there for us so many times before.

Ally knew where to go for help, and she had no doubt what would follow her lifted arms and one-syllable request. Her parents knew exactly what she meant, and she had learned from experience that they can always be depended on, no matter what. Whether it's a scraped knee or a game with the doggies, they would be there.

We can have the same assurance. Luke 21:28 speaks about looking up as we watch the signs of the end of this world unfolding. “Now when these things begin to happen, look up and lift up your heads, because your redemption draws near.” As we look up, we will be lifted up. Up, up into the secure and everlasting arms of Jesus.

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By Gwen Scott Simmons. Copyright © 2010 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines. Scripture taken from the NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION ®.

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I once read a story about a music therapist named Ken Medema. As a pianist, Ken’s concerts draw large crowds and standing ovations. According to the article, his music inspires people of all faiths.

But even more inspiring than his music is his attitude. You see, Ken has been blind since birth. Yet, he doesn’t consider this a hardship; instead he counts it as a blessing. At one concert held in Manila, Philippines, he even announced that he would not wish that his life were any other way. Can you imagine that? This man who has never had his sight does not wish he had it! He is content with his life just the way it is. What an amazing story!

To be content is a quality as rare as diamonds. And, it’s easy to see why. Advertising which cries out to us from the pages of slick magazines, freeway billboards, T.V. commercials, and even the Internet, disturbs whatever contentment we do possess, creating within us a sense of dissatisfaction, stirring inside a desire for more. We are continually prodded to buy something newer, bigger, better or faster than what we already have. No matter if what we own still works and is in good shape. It is very difficult to remain content amidst this subtle barrage.

Genuine Contentment

But contrary to the underlying message communicated by the images that tempt us to buy more, contentment does not come from the acquisition of material goods. While possessions do give pleasure for a season (albeit sometimes a very short season) genuine contentment is found first and foremost in relationships, with God and with people.

The apostle Paul demonstrated a surprising grasp of this concept when he announced in Phillippians 4:11 that he had learned in whatever state he was in to be content. For a man who owned very little and had been shipwrecked, beaten and imprisoned more than once, this was an amazing statement. Paul’s disposition, his attitude of peace and satisfaction, was unaffected by the ebb and flow of the circumstances of his life. His contentment came through his relationship with God and Christ. Like Paul, we too can experience the peace that passes all understanding, in every circumstance with whatever we have, and with whatever we lack, through a growing relationship with the Lord.

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By Kathy A. Lewis. Copyright © 2010 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines.
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Photo: Studiomill

I could not see very well. My optometrist had dilated my eyes to get a better view of the inside of my eyeballs. It’s a pretty common procedure. But with my pupils forced to expand, it’s a bit difficult to see clearly, even with the cheap, plastic sunglasses they give you to wear for a couple hours until your eyes return to normal. I drove myself to my appointment, so I carefully drove myself home. I did a lot of squinting and made it safely. I wanted to see clearly right away, but I had to wait.

Sometime later I was on my knees praying for God to speak to my heart. I was convicted by the Bible passage that says, “Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way of everlasting” (Psalm 139:23, 24). I wanted to see the way of everlasting more clearly, so I asked God to search my heart and reveal to me anything offensive that needed to be dealt with. And I waited … and waited … and waited. I did not hear God share anything with me. I expected to hear the Lord speak to my heart right then! I was a little disappointed, not that I like finding sinful stuff hidden in my heart.

Later that day, while talking with a family member, I spoke in a hurtful way to them and they let me know about it. I had been praying for God to help me grow in how I relate to this person and thought I had made some progress. But this encounter popped my bubble. I was a bit discouraged.

Needed to Wait

The next morning in my quiet time, God spoke to my heart. The Lord revealed to me that I couldn’t see what needed to be seen at the moment I asked. I needed to wait. God’s searching and testing do not always happen in my reflection time. Sometimes the testing and revealing happens in the daily grind of life.

I had prayed, “Search me, O God,” and the Lord did search me. But God didn’t reveal to me what I needed to see because I was not ready. The Lord did reveal to me some things hidden from my sight. When the time was right, the Spirit said, “Here is something offensive that you need to deal with.” Then I could see.

Sin blinds us from clearly seeing. Pride damages our sensitivity to the Holy Spirit helping us know God’s will in our lives. When we are focused on how well we are doing or defending ourselves, we are most challenged to see the truth. Sometimes we need to pray and wait. Sometimes the searching requires testing. Then the truth comes through clearly. Then we can see.

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By Curtis Rittenour. Copyright © 2010 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines. Scripture taken from the NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION ®.

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My dad was dying. He’d been sick with Hepatitis C for years and we all knew it was only a matter of time. I’d been staying in his hospital room night and day for the past few days. We had some good talks and for the first time, I actually listened to him.

At one point, he got tears in his eyes and I knew he was going to say something significant.

“What is it, Dad?”

“Why did they stop asking me to play the violin at church? Was it because they thought I couldn’t play well enough?”

His question surprised me. Was this something an 81-year-old person thought about on their death bed? Granted, Dad and I were way too similar in our personalities and melancholia is a hard trait to hide. In fact, when I was a magazine editor, I used to tell my staff to remind me occasionally that everything was not all about me. Hearing Dad reminded me again where I inherited that tendency.

I tried to explain to Dad that the torch was being passed to younger members in his church. It had nothing to do with his ability. It was time for the young people to learn responsibility and leadership. We’d already had our turn.

Maybe My Turn is Over

I’m now reminded of that because I’m a new member of a church where I’m one of the oldest choir members. A few are chosen to stand in front each week with microphones leading their section. I haven’t been invited to do that and there’s a part of me dying to tell them how talented I am, what a great voice I have and how long I’ve been a church soloist. But approaching my 60th birthday, it’s possible my turn is over, too. I’m still consulted on creative writing tasks and children’s drama, but there’s not much room for “Dee the star.”

When Moses had to step down and hand the reins over to Joshua, did he feel the same way? “Now Joshua son of Nun was full of the spirit of wisdom, for Moses had laid his hands on him. So the people of Israel obeyed him, doing just as the Lord had commanded Moses” (Deuteronomy 34:9). Moses is considered one of the greatest generals of all time. He was a powerful and charismatic leader. I think Moses was very sad that he was being passed over, but he was so close to God that he knew it was time to step down.

Knowing when that time comes requires sensitivity on our part—whether we’re the ones being passed over or the ones being handed the torch. I’ve learned these important concepts: serving in any aspect in a church body is a gift, our job is to mentor those younger and newer in the faith and special care should be taken when older members are being replaced. We’re in a church body to make it stronger, not to tear it down, and we all have special gifts. “Well, my brothers and sisters, let’s summarize. When you meet together, one will sing, another will teach, another will tell some special revelation God has given, one will speak in tongues, and another will interpret what is said. But everything that is done must strengthen all of you” (1 Corinthians 14:26).

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By Dee Litten Reed. Copyright © 2010 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines. Scripture taken from the New Living Translation © copyright 1996.
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Photo: Galyna Andrushko

I’ve been fascinated lately with books on people who climbed Mount Everest, the highest mountain on our planet (29,035 ft.). Ever since 1852 when the Great Trigonometrical Survey of India discovered Sagarmatha (Nepali “goddess of the sky”) the eyes of mankind have been drawn to conquer the summit. Little did anyone know that it would take 101 more years, fifteen expeditions and the lives of 24 men before Edmund Hillary and Tenzing Norgay would capture the peak on May 28, 1953.

Supplemental oxygen is often used at this high altitude where breathable air is one third that of sea level. Without it, brain cell damage is rapid and energy levels plummet. The body hungrily uses up its reserves to stay alive, especially above the “death zone” (above Camp Four at 26,000 ft.). Climbers become sluggish, their thinking gets blurred, and many have died by making “little mistakes” that have cost them their lives (stepping off a 3,000 foot cliff while not being “clipped in” to a safety line).

A new challenge was created when climbers claimed that with “acclimatization” one could reach the summit without supplemental oxygen. It required spending time at higher altitudes and then coming down to a lower base camp and then going back up again over a period of several weeks. Eventually, the body adjusted and the climber could make it without carrying the extra bottles of oxygen. But, it was still extremely fatiguing and harsh on the body.

Safe at High Altitudes?

Mankind is still fascinated by climbing. The challenges may not be physical (like climbing a mountain), but social or mental. We can be driven to reach our own summits of success, but we must be careful. We can learn from the mountaineers of Everest. The higher we go on our own journeys, the greater the risk of thin air. Can we be safe at such high altitudes?

The prophet Isaiah reminds us that being “lowly spirit” brings us closer to the high and holy God.

“For this is what the high and lofty One says— he who lives forever, whose name is holy: ‘I live in a high and holy place, but also with him who is contrite and lowly in spirit, to revive the spirit of the lowly and to revive the heart of the contrite’” (Isaiah 57:15).

When you are climbing high, God can revive your breath. We come close to the Lord of heaven through prayer—the only safe way to breathe when you are in thin air.

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By Curtis Rittenour. Copyright © 2010 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines. Scripture taken from the NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION ®.

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Photo: Hemera

Since I became a parent, I have found increasing reasons to admire my own parents. Parenting is a tough job and we all tend to do it with good intentions and many mistakes. And of course, since I was my parents’ first child, I believe that I was probably the experimental child!

I greatly respect the sense of security that my parents provided for me. They were married for 55 years. They lived on the same farm, in the same house, that they called home for all of my life. My father was born in that house and both of his parents died there. Dad made every effort to keep my ailing mother “at home” as long as humanly possible. She used to comment on how many times her own father had moved his family and the various possessions that they had sold or lost. Even though she would have preferred to travel more, I think she too benefited from a solid sense of home.

Reliable Cycles

I have deep emotional roots at that farm and in that community. My grandparents worked hard to buy and keep 150 acres of land, which their only child inherited. During my childhood, I walked in every field, and understood the nuances of each season: crops, pests, weather, and holidays. All of this was part of the reliable cycles of life. My address and phone number never changed, and I always knew where my bedroom could be found.

My parents might have had other education, business opportunities or choices if they had moved. However, because they chose roots over transitions, four generations of family have had memories at our home.

A heritage of security and commitment has enhanced my spiritual life. I value the hills and valleys of the marriage experience and what that refines in one’s character. I also believe that I can better appreciate the meaning of “abiding” in God’s love and the gift of an eternal heavenly home because of my lifelong childhood home.

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By Karen Spruill, M.A. Copyright © 2010 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines.
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Photo: Donice Palmer

Growing up on a farm has given me an appreciation of animals and many opportunities to observe them. I’ve marveled at the devotion of the goose and gander to their goslings. My heart has been warmed when I’ve seen cats curl up with our St. Bernard. But of all the animals we’ve ever had on the farm, two stand out in my mind because of their unique friendship.

Dolly the donkey has always lived with the cows. Even though she is smaller than the cows, she often bosses them around. In the spring when the cows gave birth, she acted as a nanny to the calves. She seemed to enjoy "babysitting." If any dogs or other intruders came into the pasture, she would promptly and zealously chase them off. For many years, this was Dolly’s routine and life.

Rosie the goose hatched in an incubator after an egg was found on the bank of our pond. As a gosling, she lived in a box in the kitchen and would often go along on short car rides with us. Rosie became our pet. When she grew up she was not accepted by the rest of the geese. She preferred to stay in the yard or be on the front porch looking in the window.

Two years ago, before Christmas, we noticed that Rosie was in the field with Dolly. We thought that was unusual, but figured she would go to the pond when it got colder. We were wrong. Rosie stayed in the pasture with Dolly, and they became inseparable friends. In fact, Rosie did more than just stay close to Dolly in the field. She honked loudly and flapped her wings wildly while running towards anyone that came too close to her friend. When hay was tossed out for the cows, Rosie stood in the middle of it and tried to fend the cows off so Dolly could have more of the hay. 

A Downside

As interesting and sweet as this rare friendship was, there was a downside and lesson to be learned from this odd couple.

1. Rosie no longer spent any time on the water. She didn’t get the cracked corn fed to the geese and ducks that came to the pond. She ate grass and hay alongside Dolly. Dolly accepted this friendship although she had not sought it.

2. When the cows had their calves in the spring, they wouldn’t let Rosie come near their babies. They would charge at Rosie who was always near Dolly. This meant that Dolly lost her position as a nanny.

The friendship between Rosie and Dolly is amusing, but it also reminds me of a lesson parents often share with their children. We should choose our friends carefully. Friends influence our lives. Some friends may even lead us on a wild goose chase. That’s why we need to know Jesus as our best friend and choose our other friends wisely.

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By Donice Palmer. Copyright © 2010 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines.
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Photo: Stephen Vanhorn

Like five million other Americans, you or someone you’re close to may be singing the pink-slip blues. But losing a job doesn’t have to be all gloom and doom. Sometimes great opportunities can arise from initially discouraging circumstances. Before you panic, take a step back and consider two important questions: How will you pursue a new job, and what are you going to do until you land one?

First, check out your benefits. You may have a variety of unemployment benefits from the job you’re leaving, such as a lump sum payout or a severance package. Talk with the human resources department about your benefits and what you must do to activate them. Immediately acquire the documents you need to receive your government or state unemployment remuneration.

Next, develop a budget. According to recent statistics, it could take a minimum of nine months to acquire another job. Find out what it has been costing you to live per week or month. Then look at areas where you can make your dollars stretch or eliminate unnecessary expenses. Adopt the “use it up, wear it out, make it last” attitude.

Third, plan your debt. If you are in the habit of paying additional money toward the principal of your mortgage, pull back to the minimum payment. Be careful not to add any new debt, such as a home equity line of credit. Remember, debt is a problem, never a solution.

Now for the job search itself. With thousands of people replying to newspaper ads and placing resumes on career websites, consider alternative approaches. Here are four strategies to get you started:

Strategies to Get You Started

1. Donate your time to a local non-profit organization. By involving yourself in the daily operations you get to know the staff, and if you’re reliable you may end up as a new employee. Even if you don’t, volunteering will help you continue to feel useful and productive.

2. Network big time. Make a list of work associates from the last ten years you could contact. Then let them know you’re looking for a new opportunity.

3. Think big. Take advantage of this down time to explore options that may lead a new career. Perhaps this is the time to cultivate your ultimate dream job.

4. Consider moving. While this may seem to be a drastic measure, repositioning yourself to a low unemployment area will reduce the job competition. Look at it as an opportunity to experience another part of the country. Rent out your current home while you discover new opportunities.

Whatever happens, keeping a positive attitude will be to your advantage. And sooner or later your pink-slip blues will change to a new tune.

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By Brenda Dickerson. Copyright © 2010 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines.

Sources: “How to Survive a Job Loss” Debt Proof Living magazine, April, 2008.
“Yes, You Can Find a Job in Tough Times” Bottom Line Personal magazine, November 15, 2008.

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Photo: Andreas Gradin

I am a dog-lover. So recently when friends invited me to accompany them and their dogs to a dog confirmation show I jumped at the chance.

We left early Sunday morning because judging the retriever class of dogs was the very first event on the International All Breed Canine Association show’s agenda. Owners had to check in then find their ring location in the great arena and be ready when called.

My friends raise white golden retrievers. Their entire family shares the chores and responsibilities of their home business. The parents are teaching their girls additional skills by having them learn how to properly handle the dogs in the ring in front of the judges. To ease the girl’s nerves, as well as to give the two dogs a chance to become acquainted with the sounds and smells of the building, we walked around the circumference of the arena.

Some owners had just one pooch; others had several.

I learned that most owners were there to have their dogs accumulate points, titles and advanced classifications. I learned that the judges give each animal a written critique and a rating number of how well the dog conforms to the International "UCI" breed standards. The judge’s comments, points, awards and titles can increase the worth of a particular dog and bring more dollars for each off spring or stud fee.

Judging

On this particular day there were four different rings where the judging of the various breeds was to take place. We selected a spot to wait near ring number two. At the exact time scheduled, the judge called the arm band numbers of the first owners welcome to enter the ring with their dog. Then it was time for judging the two white female puppies my friend’s girls were showing.

Since there were only two white females on the schedule, one sister’s dog would be judged against the other sister’s dog to see which one the judge felt was closest to the breeds’ ideal. Diamond won a metal on a ribbon and her note from the judge. Sophie got a nice note from the judge but was eliminated.

Because Diamond got the judges nod on the first round of judging, we had to wait until it was time for her to compete again against all the puppies in the retriever class for the “Best of Breed”, puppy class title. If she were to continue to win she would eventually be eligible to compete for the title of “Best in Show”. That never happened. During that round she misbehaved. Sadly she placed last in that round and we drove back home.

As I later reflected on my experience watching the girls, and the judges need to determine which dog in the ring was the most perfect representation of the breed, I became very grateful that God doesn't work that way with humans. There is no best of breed, no best of show!! We are judged on His merits, not our own.

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By Carole Kilcher. Copyright © 2010 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines.

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Photo:Lucian Coman

At the beginning of 2009, Pastor Dave Ferguson went to a Kinko’s store with his Starbucks drink in hand. One of the employees joked, “Hey, where is mine?” Dave responded, “What do you want? I’m buying!” He noticed two other employees and offered them drinks, too. “You would have thought they won the lottery!” he said. Afterwards Dave wrote his story on Twitter and reminded readers that a small act of kindness can make a big difference.¹

But the story doesn’t end there. When Scott Couchenour read of Dave’s experience, he started a Facebook group called the 365 Club.² The premise of the club was simple. Those who joined committed to carrying out 365 acts of kindness in 2009. On New Year’s Eve, the 365 Club celebrated its first birthday—with 3.6 million acts of kindness achieved. Many members posted their experiences.

For Example:

Michelle: “I waited until around 2:30 a.m. and went to the parking garage in my building. I found the dirtiest car, washed it, dried it, and left a note on the windshield that said:


Deb: “I can’t tell you how good it feels in rush hour traffic to let just one person go ahead of me.”

Steven: “I drilled out some bolts on a Honda for a friend. Got a metal splinter. It didn't hurt too badly. The act of kindness felt better.”

Louise: “My daughter and I will be making a difference in one little girl’s life today when we deliver a big bag of winter clothes and some shoes.”

Tina: “Last week I gave strangers at the store $4.00 so they could pay for all their groceries. It wasn’t much—but they were appreciative.”

Kelly: “Washed windshields at a gas station last week for free.” 

Robin: “At a DQ the other day. As I was leaving I paid for the order for the next drive thru customer. The cashier looked at me as if I was an alien.”

The 365 Club is repeating the challenge in 2010 with 9,989 members. And I’m now one of them. The evening after I joined, I was standing in line at the grocery store with my loaded cart. I noticed the young man behind me had only one item—a small bouquet of flowers. 

And I remembered.

“Why don’t you go ahead of me,” I offered. “You only have one item and I have a lot.”

He looked shocked, asked if I was sure, and moved ahead. After paying he said, “Thank you. I just moved here from across the country.” He smiled and walked away.

I think Greg had it right when he posted: “In the end, I think we agree that the lives we touch while we’re here is what it's all about. At the end of your days, you won't be thinking about that antique table you got a bargain on. I suspect the lives you've touched will still be bringing a smile to your face.”

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By Nancy Canwell. Copyright © 2010 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines.

¹ http://daveferguson.typepad.com/daveferguson/2009/01/the-365-club-committed-to-365-acts-of-kindness-in-2009.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm;_medium=feed&utm;_campaign=Feed:+daveferguson+(daveferguson.org)

² http://www.facebook.com/365Club?ref=mf

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Photo: Patti Gray

I will always remember my first week as a single mom. My own mother had given me the money to rent an apartment and escape with my two small children from an abusive husband. We had just settled in to the peace and tranquility of our own space, humble as it was. For, there was no furniture save a battered sofa and an old kitchen table from Goodwill. Our beds consisted of rolls of egg crate foam. We had a little food and we were happy.

Toward the end of our first week, there was a knock at the door. The kids raced to open it just in time to see some older girls, sisters, duck behind some bushes out of site. On the doorstep were many crisp brown bags filled to the brim with groceries.

We carried them into the kitchen and excitedly unpacked them. The bags contained everything one could possibly need in the way of food. Bread, peanut butter, jam, fruit, flour, oil, vegetables, tortillas, beans, pasta, red sauce, cheese, milk, juice, cookies, crackers and so much more…

We were overwhelmed with joy and gratitude that God had seen our need and had sent someone to meet it.

Truly Sacrificial

We later learned that the family who had blessed us so extravagantly was not wealthy. The husband held a full time job while his wife worked two full time shifts in order to make ends meet for their four children. Their gift to us was truly sacrificial.

In the Scriptures, a theme is woven throughout of the type of sacrifice that is pleasing to God. Time and again, we read that offerings and lip service don’t make the grade. What brings pleasure to the Almighty is justice and mercy shown to the widow, the fatherless and the stranger.

During my years of struggle as a single mom, I have come to believe that a single parent truly is a widow, or widower. Likewise, the children are often fatherless, or sometimes motherless. For, while some non-custodial parents do pay child support, other single parent families are often bereft of both financial and emotional support. That was certainly true in our case.

As I wearily fell into bed at midnight, or later, night after night, in those early years, I realized there were three things I never had enough of: time, money and energy. On my plate each day was a generous portion of child rearing, housework, yard work, vehicle maintenance, cooking, laundry, shopping and paying bills. The work of a single parent is both overwhelming and unending. I’m firmly convinced only the grace of God sustained me through those years.

If you are a single parent, know that God’s heart holds a special place for you and your children. The Almighty sees your struggle and sympathizes with your pain. God will hold you up when you are too exhausted to go on. And, when you look at the bills and wonder how they will ever get paid, know that the Lord already has a plan in place to pay them.

Throw yourself at God’s feet in utter dependence and the Creator will lift you up and carry you each and every day.

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By Kathy A Lewis. Copyright © 2010 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines.
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Photo: Studiomill

Can you imagine what it would be like to discover that you’re finally pregnant but the baby you’re carrying is not your child? That’s what happened recently to 40-year-old Carolyn Savage. According to a story in the Omaha World Herald, Carolyn received a frozen embryo belonging to another couple after a mix up at the fertility clinic.

Yet the headlines have been more about what Carolyn is NOT doing than what she is doing. She’s not fighting to keep the baby, not having an abortion, not filing a huge lawsuit against the clinic or the doctor. Legally, she and her husband Sean could be doing any of those things. Instead they have chosen the path of uncommon compassion and courage.

When the baby is born via cesarean section the biological parents will be there, waiting to meet their son and take him home (they’re expecting a little boy).

How Do You Thank Someone?

“How do you thank someone for what they’ve done?” the biological mother asked. “I could say thank you a million different ways.” She and her husband plan to keep in touch with the Savages and send them updates as the baby grows. Carolyn said she will always think about the baby and his family. “We’ll always have a bond,” she said.

Sean and Carolyn Savage are the kind of everyday heroes of which this world needs more. Life gave them lemons, but they chose to make lemonade. They accepted their circumstances without bitterness, even when it was someone else’s careless mistake that dramatically impacted their lives.

The Savages took what could have been a very ugly situation and turned it around. They chose to do the right thing, as difficult as it was. And their compassion and courage will result in a clear conscience for themselves and untold happiness for the baby’s biological family.

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By Brenda Dickerson. Copyright © 2010 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines.


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Photo: Hemera

“Children reinvent your world for you.” –Susan Sarandon

When I first heard someone say “it takes a whole village to raise a child” I shrugged it off and thought it was a ridiculous cliché’.

Then I became a licensed foster parent, and changed my mind. I had already successfully raised two healthy children, and naively believed that raising someone else’s child couldn’t be very different. I was wrong.

The private agency brought me a little boy who looked absolutely cherubic . . . and he was, but only when sleeping.

Reality hit me early on when the little boy acted out his anxiety and lack of trust issues in various and unpredictable ways. Purposely burning himself; stuffing undergarments down and plugging up the toilet; stealing money out of my purse; stealing from schoolmates; lying; intentionally running into oncoming traffic; climbing onto the house roof in attempt to touch hot wires were just a few of his behaviors.

Lessons learned

The most important thing I learned was that foster parenting is nothing like parenting your own biological child. The second most important thing I learned is that I couldn’t parent him alone. I solicited the help of private agency staff, friends, family members and other foster parents; and found a structured after-school activity program for the child as well. That’s how I learned it really does take a village to raise a child. 

By the time he left my home to be adopted, he was not stealing or lying. He was enjoying school and getting good grades; he was making friends, he was learning what it meant to be healthy and live in a normal environment free of abuse. He learned what love was and how to give and receive love. More importantly he learned how to forgive and forgave his family for abusing and neglecting him. He turned from a confused, anxious little boy into a happy, well-adjusted trusting young man.

Are you ready for a rewarding challenge? Become a foster parent. Have the courage to let a child reinvent your life for the better.

“Children need love, especially when they do not deserve it.” --Harold S. Hulbert

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By Denise Taylor, pseudonym. Copyright © 2010 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines.
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Photo: N. Vakhroushev

My teenage son just passed me in height. It’s been a year since I last arm wrestled him and won. He’s challenged me since then, but I keep putting it off. It’s crazy! The little boy I used to wrestle with on the living room floor has exceeded me in physical strength. Yet, I’m still Dad. I’m still leader, guide, and protector of my family. I’ve waffled too many times. We’ve stood nose to nose on some issues and I’ve said “No.” He’s pushed back and I flaked. And when I do, he doesn’t respect me.

God is calling to my heart to be strong and unafraid to appropriately confront my children. I’m learning that backing off is not always loving. It is not always kind to ignore things. It does not show true care to always say yes. I waffle because of fear. I am afraid of losing his love for me. But my fear has twisted love inside out. God is teaching me I’ve got it wrong. True love is willing to confront. True love isn’t thinking about my feelings, it’s focused on caring for the welfare of my family. “Perfect love casts out fear…” because love is about others and fear is about myself.

But This is Unacceptable

I found something in my son’s room recently. I fell to my knees beside his bed and asked God what to do with it. God said, “Confront your son.” So I did. I stood nose to nose with him and said kindly but firmly, “This is a Christian home and this type of material is not welcome here. If you insist on bringing this stuff into our home, then you will need to leave. I love you and want you here, but this is unacceptable.” I took a deep breath and just stood there looking him in the eye. He knew I was serious and he finally agreed.

Setting boundaries is hard for some of us. We’re confused about love and so we avoid putting firm guidelines in place because it feels harsh. But boundaries teach respect for others. Rules show that we care. It is the parent without regulations that is the least loving.

If you are a parent, don’t be afraid to love your child by setting up limitations. Your kids need restrictions. They need borders. They need you to be strong, especially when they stand before you nose to nose.

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By Bob Miller, pseudonym. Copyright © 2010 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines.
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Photo: Dreamstime

According to various sources, between 45 and 80 percent of American adults make New Year’s resolutions. And among the top 10 is usually one about controlling spending or getting out of debt.

If you find yourself saying, “I just don’t know where all my money goes” you’ve got lots of company. And if you tend to think budgeting is boring and unnecessary, you’re not alone. But as one individual observed, “Living without a budget is like driving an automobile without a steering wheel.”

Don’t wait to develop a money management program until you are in financial free fall. And don’t let yourself give in to the following excuses: “I just didn’t get the accountancy gene” or “budgeting is a ton of hard work” or “I just don’t have time to budget.” If, like the average worker, you spend approximately 2,000 hours a year on the job, don’t you think it’s worthwhile to spend an additional one or two percent of that time planning where your money is going to go?

The ultimate excuse for not having a budget is having a half-hearted one. This is the budget you have in your mind, but don’t bother to keep track of. This lackadaisical thinking falls under the same category as reasoning that if there are checks in the checkbook there is certainly money in the bank.

A good household budget that reflects every aspect of your financial needs and also plans for emergencies will save you a lot of headaches. Here are a few tips for creating such a budget:

Budgeting Tips

1. Make a conservative income projection. Include only your current salary plus other “known” incomes, such as interest from a savings account or income from rental property. Don’t include “hoped for” tax refunds, raises, or bonuses.

2. Understand your budget categories. There are generally three: fixed (such as mortgage, car payment) variable (utilities, phones) and restricted (groceries, clothes, entertainment, gifts). Since only you set the amounts for the last section it usually requires the most monitoring.

3. Tailor your budget to your particular situation. It doesn’t have to be complicated. However, if you make, for example, $50,000 a year, your budget should reflect that—no more. The average American credit card balance is around $10,000. This is often because over the years monthly expenses exceed income and the debt just keeps piling up.

Having a budget is actually a liberating experience because you know exactly how much you can spend. Then you don’t have to worrying that you’ve overspent. Try it—it works!

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By Brenda Dickerson. Copyright © 2010 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines.

Sources:
1. Budgeting Basics by Matthew Pryor, Sound Mind Investing magazine, January 2009.
2. Farmer’s Almanac
3. www.google.com “new year’s resolutions stats” and “credit card debt”

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Photo: Ned Horton

“An optimist sees an opportunity in every calamity; a pessimist sees a calamity in every opportunity.” – Sir Winston Churchill

You loved being a parent. You loved watching your kid grow up and go through all those fascinating stages of development. You cried with joy through the milestones of graduations from Kindergarten, eighth grade, 12th grade and even college. With some quiet and guiltless joy, you looked forward to the day when your kid actually moved out of your home to be on his own. He did move out. He even got a place of his own. He paid his own rent, bought his own food. He bought his own car and paid for his own insurance. The golden years have begun, or so you thought.

The shrill of the telephone brings you back to reality from your daydreaming. It’s your son. He lost his job, he’s moving back home.

“Life is ten percent what you make it, and ninety percent how you take it.” -- Irving Berlin

A blessing in disguise

My son had to return home for awhile due to circumstances beyond his control. Actually, I was delighted, and at the same time understood his need to have a place of his own as soon as his could.

While Wes applied for jobs applicable to his education and skills, I bought a large home that was cosmetically challenged, and Wes went to work for me learning new skills in remodeling. We were able to help each other. He repaired the home, and I prepared his meals and gave him a bed in which to sleep. (We also enjoyed each other’s company!) Six months later, I had a lovely home which I was able to sell and make a large profit, and Wes found his dream job in a nearby city.

If your kid has to come back to the nest for awhile no matter the reason; discuss with him some short term goals and support him emotionally in taking action and moving forward. Stirring up the nest again can be a really good thing, for you and for your kid.

“There is no danger of developing eye strain from looking on the bright side of things.” --Unknown

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By Denise Taylor, pseudonym. Copyright © 2010 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines.
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Photo: José A. Warletta

She is a quiet young girl with a gentle smile and warm, brown eyes. And although she is smart and talented she never tries to draw attention to herself.

I watch her now, on this last day of class before Christmas break. Amid the flurry of the party, the laughing, the ripping of wrapping paper, she is calm. She turns her gaze toward her teacher as he begins to unveil the pile of gifts on his desk. He wades through stacks of chocolate boxes and other treats, carefully reading each card and thanking the students by name.

But when he unwraps her gift, he stops…amazed. For she has given of herself, her best work, painstakingly labored over for days. It is a carefully matted and framed portrait of her dog, done in pencil and ink. They are both animal lovers, and she knows he will enjoy it. She smiles shyly from her seat as the teacher tries to express his appreciation and other students crowd in close to look.

I Wonder About That Gift

Later, as I press through the clamor of holiday shoppers at the mall, I wonder about that gift. What made it so outstanding? Was it the fact that she was talented enough to create a thing of great beauty? Or did it have more to do with the fact that she chose to invest her time, to use her hands in creating something that was meaningful to both the giver and receiver?

Part of the challenge of giving gifts is that we feel like we have to give so many, sometimes to people we barely know. We rationalize, therefore, that the gifts should be generic, just to be safe. Sometimes we give from motives that say: “I want this gift to make you think well of me, or to fulfill my obligation to you since you gave me a gift.” We think that our gifts have to be expensive enough so others do not think of us as miserly, or financially deprived, yet not so expensive that they feel guilty for not having spent more on us. It can get extremely complicated. No wonder so many people just buy gift certificates! They require only two decisions—which store and how much?

As I stand in the lengthy checkout line surveying my intended purchases, my mind goes back to that very first Christmas – and the whole reason I am thinking about gifts. The birth of a tiny baby in a stable to an unknown peasant girl was NOT the kind of gift people were expecting! It just didn’t meet their standards. But it turned out to be the best possible gift, because it was given from a motive of love that is purer and deeper than we can begin to comprehend. It’s that type of love that becomes the ultimate pattern on which to base all succeeding gifts.

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By Brenda Dickerson. Copyright © 2009 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines.
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